The Gift of Pain

Pain...what good is it? Pain is usually associated with something bad...but this week, I have discovered the Gift of Pain.

I have a condition where, every little while, the nerve running down the back of my leg will get pinched, resulting in immense back pain, while removing my ability to run, jump, and other forms of monkeying around that need your legs. When that nerve gets pinched, doing such things is out of the question. Too much pain.

While limping around the house and growling at my nerves, I thought of something I had done a looooooooooong time ago when I was very little. I don't know if I had skinned my knee or what, but something had happened that made my leg utter complaints to its owner every time skin or muscle changed position. What I had decided at that point, as a little girl, was to thank God every time my leg hurt until that wound healed. That was one annoying time, especially when I needed to go up stairs, but I found that I didn't really have huge longings for things I couldn't do. Instead of longing to go outside and run, I found that our bookshelves had dozens of very interesting--and sometimes dusty--books. I also found myself thankful that I would be able to use my leg again, unlike other people, who couldn't.

A story that comes to mind is, I believe, from the book Ten Fingers for God. A certain doctor that dealt specifically with leprosy spent a long day traveling. When he arrived at his destination, he discovered that he had lost feeling in a certain area of his foot. Prepared for the worst, he decided to go to bed and map out the effected area the next morning. The next morning he began to map the area by sticking a pin into his skin. He pricked himself with the pin in the middle of the effected area and let out a loud yell. His circulation had been cut off while he had been traveling, explaining for the loss of feeling. I bet that pain had never felt quite as good as it did at that time.

But that still doesn't make me very happy about my back.

Although, through pain, I have discovered what toes are for. To find furniture in the dark. That still doesn't make me very happy about my back pains.

For days I have been searching for what, exactly, about this pain is my gift. I finally found it. Because of where the pinched nerve is located, it hurts to bend over. If I want to pick anything up off of the floor I have to sink down to my knees and then rise in the same manner. Sort of the "lift with your legs, not your back" thing. I also must do my best to keep my shoulders parallel to my hips. Any movement shifting my shoulders from that position hurts. But, because I cannot bend over and my body must stay straight, my posture has improved. I used to have a terrible back hump for someone my age.

Because of my pain, I've received a new gift: a better posture. I think that is better than mapping the floor of my house with my toes.

~Dresden